Why I Run: February 25, 2009

Seven years ago today, I said goodbye to Greg, my first love and best friend. He died on his 26th birthday in 2002 after complications from a liver transplant, his second in three years. It was easily the worst day of my life to date, and I still remember everything that happened as if it were yesterday — the phone call at work telling me what was happening and that I needed to take a cab immediately to Mount Sinai, the room full of crying relatives, the nurse removing his ventilator tube, my mom taking me to dinner and neither of us eating, all of us sitting around his bed telling him what a great person he was and that it was OK to leave us, that we’d miss him but we’d be fine.

I’m not fine. I lied.

Also, time doesn’t really heal. That’s also a lie. It just makes your memories a little fuzzier around the edges.

I have other, better memories of Greg. Going to Montauk and sitting on the beach all day long and then for dinner going to a place on the water and ordering some obscenely large lobster — three pounds? — to split, getting butter all over the place and watching the sunset and thinking, this is actually a perfect day. Eating that roast beef sandwich from the cheese place in Hoboken. Driving to IHOP on a Sunday morning and singing Top 40 songs off Z100 (“This Kiss” by Faith Hill and “What’s My Age Again?” by Blink 182 and “Breathless” by the Corrs) out the window to perplexed drivers on the 1/9. Trying to learn how to throw a Frisbee. Watching football and baseball games. Ordering pizza on Sunday nights. He called me Sasquatch because one day I was wearing a pair of platform sandals and I fell off them in front of Dunkin Donuts and he laughed so hard he had to sit down on the sidewalk. We saw Aerosmith together and I tried to convince him not to vote for George W. Bush and he encouraged me to apply to grad school.

A lot of my memories of him involve the hospital, because that’s where he spent a lot of time in our three years together. I knew where to find extra juice and who the nicest nurse in the transplant unit was. I could sit there all day with a book and hang out with him and never feel bored or sad or angry. I was just grateful to have him in my life.

But I’m still not fine. I miss him. And I want other people to know why he was so great, and that is why I run.

Greg was a kickass athlete, a lacrosse champion in high school who got recruited to play in college, but had to give it up when he was diagnosed with primary sclerosing cholangitis, an autoimmune liver disease, his freshman year of college. He was also a Junior Olympic skier.

I am not an athlete, but I became one because of Greg.

When I decided to start running, I started with a charity, Team in Training, that raises money for blood cancer research. I figured that if I could keep one family from watching their loved one die like I did, and like Greg’s family and friends did, I could run 13.1 or 26.2 miles. Greg volunteered with lots of kids who had leukemia, something he said always made his day, and he wanted people to donate to Make-a-Wish and Special Olympics when he died. I think he’d be excited that I’m doing this. One day I will create an event in Greg’s memory, so I can get together with friends and celebrate this amazing person who left us way before his time.

In the meantime, I’m still not fine, but I run. And run and run and run, because there’s still no cure for blood cancer and there’s still no cure for primary sclerosing cholangitis and there’s still no cure for a broken heart.

Cherry Tree 10-Miler, February 22, 2009

Yes, I did sign up for two races in one weekend. Perhaps, considering my wonky knee, not the smartest decision I've ever made. But I did cross the finish line of both of them, so that's saying something.

Today's race was the Cherry Tree 10-Miler, sponsored by the Prospect Park Track Club -- the same people who sponsored my first race of this Year of Running, on New Year's Eve. Unlike that race, bagwatch at the Cherry Tree was in an actual tent with an actual numeric system set up placing bags, as opposed to just putting them under a tree that had crime tape wrapped around it. The volunteers were some of the nicest people I've ever encountered at a race -- all of them, without fail, friendly and smiling.

This was not a marathon qualifier. It was our TNT BK practice for this weekend. I guess you'd have to say I ran it for...fun? To push the limits of my endurance? Yes, that sounds better.

The big downside of this race was that it was three loops of Prospect Park. I run this loop on a pretty regular basis -- at least once a week, generally -- but I can't say I've ever had the urge to do it three times in a row. Remember when I compared the turnarounds in the Bronx Half Marathon to Chevy Chase talking to his kids about Big Ben and Parliament in "National Lampoon's European Vacation"? This was more like "Groundhog Day."


I ran this race at a pretty fast clip, considering. I finished in 1:32, meaning I maintained a fairly consistent 9+-minute mile.

I would have to say the high point of the race came as I was rounding the top of the park on my second loop and a bicyclist squirted his water bottle directly into my right sock, evidently as revenge because my foot went over the center line between the running lane and the bike lane. Please note that he was one person with two whole lanes to himself, as opposed to me who was one of hundreds of people in two lanes of the road. Effing bikers. If you are a cyclist and you're reading this, squirting water into a runner's shoe is not necessarily going to keep her out of your lane, especially if she's there because she's trying to keep an injured knee from falling on the wrong side of a steep drop in the road. It will, however, make her really angry and possibly prone to blisters. On the plus side, I was not the victim of another cycler I saw who power-snotted (thanks to Kelly for this almost onomatopoeic term) into the throngs of runners as he sped by.

Kelly and I ran together most of the way, until our third trip up the North Hill when I inexplicably became dizzy and faintly nauseous. This has never happened to me during a run before. I stopped for water, walked through the water stop, reminded myself about who I run for and why, and charged (well, plugged away) up the North Hill. My stomach was very...sloshy, for lack of a better word (and sorry to those of you reading this). I kept trying to think of things to distract me, but I just kept seeing Groundhog Day in my head.

But I did eventually finish, got my chocolate milk, got out of my soaking wet clothes (it was drizzly and I was hot and sweaty - bad combination), felt much better and determined with the coaches that my problem was not enough salt and/or not enough carbs. I'm not unfamiliar with getting dizzy from low blood sugar in my non-running life, so that was my first thought, but I also think that on a warm day I need to be drinking more Gatorade or putting an electrolyte tablet in my water bottle.

I feel pretty hardcore, now that I'm sitting on my couch in sweatpants drinking coffee and looking forward to the Oscars dresses, I mean, the telecast. Two races! One weekend! Booyah!

NYC 2010 Qualifying Race #4: Al Gordon Snowflake Run, February 21, 2009

This was a nice break from the qualifying races in Central Park as it was held in Prospect Park -- home turf! I was a little worried about this race because my knee's been hurting so much lately, but it held up well. This was a good, easy qualifier to get in and I'm glad I did it.

My major complaint was that NYRR put the bagwatch in a field in the middle of the park. That resulted in a long-ass walk from Grand Army Plaza. The map of the race was somewhat deceptive about where, exactly, on Center Drive this was. I know Prospect Park pretty well and if someone set me there and told me to find the bagwatch location again, I don't know that I could.

That said, I liked the course of the Snowflake Run a lot -- it started at the base of the North Hill, so we got that little bit of torture out of the way quickly, then circled the west end of the park, down the South Hill, across Wellhouse Drive and then back to Center Drive. I was running what I thought was pretty slowly, trying not to stress the knee (which only hurt once, going downhill), but according to my results I was clocking 9:49 miles - about what I ran in the Bronx Half a couple of weeks ago. I don't feel I was pushing it, so I guess I really have improved!

We ran into a ton of TNT'ers, including lots of friends from last season, and Coach Jim, always recognizable in the Orange Hat.

After the race we hit Purity Diner for brunch. The best hot chocolate in Brooklyn (no kidding, if you haven't had it there go now) and a waffle made the day worthwhile. I came home, took an epic nap and am now chilling in preparation for tomorrow's Cherry Tree 10-miler.

16 Miles! TNT BK Practice, February 14, 2009

I ran 16 miles Saturday, and it felt good. Way better than the Bronx Half.

As you may have guessed from the photo above, TNT BK hit Coney Island this weekend. I love this run. I know people think Ocean Parkway is boring, watching the alphabetic avenues tick by slowly, but it's one of my favorite runs in the city. I love the anticipation building as you get closer to the beach, the first whiff of salt air when you pass under the Belt Parkway, reaching the boardwalk and seeing the Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel and the parachute drop. I love it all. If the Cyclone were open in February, I'd have taken a break from the run and gone for a dizzy spin.

At any rate, we started from our training captain Robyn's apartment and ran down Ocean Parkway, about 5.5 miles, until we hit the boardwalk. Did another 5 or so on the boardwalk itself, then ran back to Robyn's. Kelly and I did most of the run together, occasionally accompanied by other friends.

I was feeling awesome until the last mile, and I think that only the thought of bagels and coffee was causing the slowdown. I finished strong and, despite some achy feet really do feel now like the marathon will happen.

NYC 2010 Qualifying Race #3: Bronx Half Marathon, Feb. 8, 2009

This was a good race, in that I PR'd: 2:08:52! Granted, my only other half marathon was the Nike Women's last October, during which I stopped several times to take photos and soak in the amazing scenery, and this was the Bronx. Not bad, as cityscapes go, but light on the spectators and Tiffany necklaces and tuxedoed firefighters.

But it was heavy on the teammates and camaraderie, which came in very handy. Because this course was hard. It turned around on itself several times, so I was constantly getting passed by faster runners going the other direction. This lent itself to a defeated sort of feeling that I tried to ignore.

It didn't help that my morning got off to a frantic start. I was supposed to meet teammates at Atlantic Terminal in downtown Brooklyn, a 15-minute subway ride from my apartment. As I walked to the station, a train came through that I missed. No problem, I thought, I should have been here earlier but another train will come in 10 minutes or so and I'll only be a couple of minutes late. Ten minutes later, no train. Fifteen, twenty...no train. By this time it was 6:30 and I was supposed to be at Atlantic Terminal. My friends said they would come pick me up. I waited on the street corner for a few minutes. This was truly awesome of Kelly, who was driving, but I felt terrible. But I had to stop freaking out about it or risk ruining my mental space for the day. But I think the damage was done; I'd been standing outside in the chilly morning air for over half an hour, and my muscles didn't really recover from it.

We had a crazy time finding parking once we got to the Bronx, and there was a 10-minute walk to the start from Kelly's car. The weather was a pleasant surprise, in the mid-50s by now and sunny. We'd all struggled with how to dress after weeks of running in snow and subfreezing temperatures, but I was happy with my choice of cropped tights and a t-shirt over a long-sleeve.

By now they were instructing runners to get into their start corrals. We still had to check baggage and hit the Port-a-Potties. We resigned ourselves to starting after the gun. Again, I had to surrender the nerves and surrender to my desperate fear of bathrooms in small, confined spaces (airplane bathrooms being first on the list, with Port-a-Potties a close second).

Finally, Kelly, Pamela and I were off only about 8 minutes after the gun went off -- not a problem since the chips don't start timing you until you cross the mats. We stuck together for about five miles, which was nice. We were hitting 9:45-ish miles and feeling OK. It took me forever to warm up, though -- at least those five miles and maybe even six. I felt really stiff. Watching the Super Runners fly by on the other side of the road did not help.

I took a Gu at mile 6 and felt really good for the next three miles or so, through one turnaround on Mosholu Parkway and onto the Grand Concourse. Here we went down a long downhill, which was discouraging since it was yet another turnaround and that meant a return trip up the hill. There were some cute little kids yelling "Go runners, go runners!" at us along the Concourse, which was nice. Kelly broke off from me here, in pursuit of a PR. I knew I could stick to my present pace but not speed up any more, which was frustrating -- I felt like I should be able to go faster at the end of a race.

I passed the coaches at mile 11, still feeling good, and then hit a major wall when I realized I had to do the Mosholu Parkway turnaround again. My lower back tensed up, then my legs. I took another Gu, hit the last water stop and resolved to pick up the pace. The wind was blowing strong by now and my hat (a Nike baseball cap) was threatening to fly off.

Finally I hit mile 13 -- and all my teammates and Coach Jim, who had already finished, were cheering and yelling my name. This made all the pain of the last couple of miles worth it. I waved -- and my hat blew off for good. Jim yelled at me to finish. So I did, strong at last. And Stephanie saved my hat! I was secretly totally distressed about the loss of the hat, since it was the hat I ran San Francisco in and has a lot of sentimental value as well as just being a great running hat. So major props to Stephanie for the save. I am not looking forward to seeing any photos of me crossing the finish line hatless, as my hair always ends up matted to my head under my hat and usually closely resembles a bad toupee after a long run. There is a reason none of my TNT teammates ever sees my hair except at socials.

So...I had a fun day overall, but I'm kind of beating myself up for not being able to finish the race stronger. I'm worried about my ability to finish a marathon if I'm hitting a wall after 11 miles. I need to take better care of myself before the race and take my time at the start. But it was nice being in a race atmosphere with my teammates, and I'm hoping that this is the spirit that will get me through 26.2 in the end.

UPDATE: Got my photos from this race. The hatless ones are bad, but I don't appear to be grimacing in pain in any of these, and I looked up at the finish line, so that's good.

TNT BK Practice, February 3, 2009

Tonight I ran uphill in the snow both ways.

And I liked it.

To be fair, the hill wasn't as steep as the one we were supposed to run -- we were supposed to do repeats on the North Hill. But because it's been snowing all day and the path wasn't plowed, we just ran quarter-mile repeats along the west side of the Prospect Park loop, where there are small rolling hills. They didn't seem so bad at first but the last couple were hard for me, with the packed snow and occasionally slick conditions adding an extra challenge. But! I was feeling really STRONG all night. I am not much of a sprinter -- I vastly prefer a long, slower run to short fast distances. Yet tonight I was really one with my sprints. I know that sounds cheesy but it was a huge breakthrough for me.

And it was nice to have that breakthrough on a pretty snowy night. The park looked sort of otherworldly. I never thought I'd be someone who not only exercised outdoors in the snow but liked it. Yet somehow, here I am.

Nannerpus

After the Gridiron Classic Sunday, I went home and took a nap.

Then I watched the Super Bowl. I thought it would be a total wipeout, with little Cardinal feathers strewn across the field, but the Arizona team held their own against the Steelers.

As for the Steelers, how about that 100-yard play for a touchdown? I didn't think anything this year could top the last moments of the Giants-Patriots game last year, but that was amazing.

However, this is what made the Super Bowl for me. There is no Denny's near me, but I dare you all to go there today and order a Nannerpus.

NYC 2010 Qualifying Race #2: Gridiron Classic, February 1, 2009

I ran the 4-mile Gridiron Classic this morning in Central Park with my friend Jess. Because it's Super Bowl Sunday, get it? The race was accompanied by a football-throwing competition that neither Jess nor I participated in.

This was a fun race -- coming on the heels of my 14-mile run yesterday, there was no way I was going to run this hard. Jess and I ended up pacing ourselves well, hitting 10-minute miles at each split and speeding up a bit at the very end. We were pleased.

I would be remiss in discussing the Gridiron Classic if I did not mention the Very Special National Anthem singing at the beginning. If you are reading this, and you are the person who sang the national anthem this morning, please don't take this the wrong way but you should seek out one of the many karaoke bars in the greater New York metropolitan area and leave the anthem to, say, Jennifer Hudson. It's not your fault it's a difficult song to sing.

He was doing some kind of fake vibrato thing with his voice and hit a real clunker of a note on the "And the rockets' red glare" line, which caused me to snort-laugh, which caused Jess to laugh, which made everyone in our starting corral laugh. It set the tone for the day and reminded me that running can just be a fun morning outside with up to 4,999 of my fellow citizens. Running with Jess helped too -- she makes everything more fun.

We had brunch afterwards that came with complimentary alcohol -- yes please! -- and thoroughly enjoyed our cheesy eggs and vodka. I came home and took a long nap, one of the greatest pleasures of running.

Now I'm watching the actual Super Bowl. Or, rather, the commercials, as I'm still stewing over the Titans' playoff loss. Next year, Tennessee.

Here are my race results from today.